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Can one of you please tweet the president and let him know that there is actually an unprecedented disaster happening in the state of Texas? Also that Texas is a state in the United States of America? And that the United States of America is the country of which he is president? And that maybe when visiting said state in said country as said leader he should maybe choose different words? Words of, perhaps, comfort, say? Just a thought.

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This afternoon, President Trump climbed atop a fire truck in Corpus Christi to address a group of Texans and some of his first words were about the size of the crowd. The crowd! On one hand, the man really knows how to stay on message. On the other hand, ::screams into the void::

Earlier he met with Texas governor Greg Abbott and pledged that they would deal with the disaster “better than ever before.” But he was quick to reserve his congratulations for the… future job well done, I guess. They awkwardly shook hands (signature move!) and Trump told Abbott, “we’ll say congratulations when it’s all finished.” Good to know!

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Can someone please get this man a participation trophy? Literally the rain is still falling and he’s planning the victory parade.

He later pointed out FEMA administrator Brock Long, identifying him as “someone who has become quite famous on television” since Harvey began.

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While this is certainly true, it’s definitely not the point. Then again, we all know that TV star Lucille Ball first got her start as the FEMA administrator, so all of this checks out, I guess.

Every episode of I Love Lucy was about her trying to convince Ricky to let her go set up disaster relief tents and coordinate food banks, as you’ll recall.

It’s not surprising that we now know Brock Long’s name and a week ago we didn’t. It is surprising that Trump’s proposed federal budget cuts $667 million from FEMA’s budget. Can someone let him know that that would make it a lot harder for the director to get on television?

Trump seems to be obsessed, as usual, with the scope and the historic nature of the events in Houston rather than than on the human toll.

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This tweet reads like a postcard sent after getting a behind the scenes tour at Disneyland. Who is this for? Who are you talking to?!

Giphy

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And while the words have been reliably vague, the look he and the First Lady have been rocking has spoken volumes.

Much hay has been made out of the First Lady’s impractical choice of stilettos in a flooded area, but even more peculiar than the footwear is what she and the president chose to wear on their heads.

JIM WATSON/AFP/GETTY

Merch! The FLOTUS has merch?! Merch that reads “FLOTUS?” Who is she, Tom Hiddleston on a Swifties vacay?

#sisterwives

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

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Admit it, if you saw this in a movie, you’d turn it off. “The satire is just a little too blatant. I mean, come on. Who would do that?”

I’ll tell you who!

Meanwhile, the president is eschewing his hat that reads “Super Great Very Famous POTUS” in favor of this understated number.

JIM WATSON/AFP/GETTY

What’s the big deal, right? It’s patriotic and innocuous. In fact, I’d like to get one for all of my hippest friends and family. Where can I find one?

::Googles “Trump USA hat”::

Screenshot

::continues screaming into the void.::

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.



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