Ocean’s 8 co-stars Cate Blanchett (Oscar-winner, don’t you forget it) and Sarah Paulson (Emmy-winner; remember that) appeared on NBC’s Today to promote the movie and, depending on your perspective, things either did not go well or it was the best interview that has ever been filmed.

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The two stars, giddy and loquacious from the outset, began the interview guzzling from Today mugs, talking over each other about how much they detest each other. Host Hoda Kotb, who seems to realize she has lost control almost immediately, quips “You guys clearly have a thing going on,” which sends the co-stars spiraling into a bit where they rag on each other’s ensembles and then one-up each other about awards they’ve won. Blanchett has two Oscars (but did not win for Carol, Sarah Paulson would like to remind you). Paulson has an Emmy (but no Oscars, per Cate Blanchett).

At this point, things completely spiral out of control and defy description. Cate Blanchett climbs onto Sarah Paulson’s lap, Hoda Kotb starts crying, Samantha Guthrie runs on to assist, Sarah Paulson says she wants to steal her ring. It’s the most perfect 5 minutes and 40 seconds this world has ever seen.

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