Dear E. Jean: I’m engaged to the sweetest, nicest, most wonderful guy who worships me. But I always saw him as my backup plan. Now that we’re living together I panic every time I think about setting the wedding date. I just turned 30 and my family is worried I’ll lose my youth and looks (and potential to find someone else) if I don’t make a decision now. Is this cold feet? Should I marry him, or move on?—Frozen Tootsie
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My Tootsie Wootsie: The choice isn’t should you or should you not marry the lovely Mr. Backup (you should NOT—at least not now, at least not until you love him enough to stop asking other people if you should marry the guy). The choice is whether you should follow some blockheaded, half-witted schedule laid down by your “worried family.”
Because if you can’t be true to yourself in a world where nearly everybody wants you to be somebody else, where you’re told you’re “losing your looks” at 30(!)—you’re in for a hard slog. (Yes, you’re losing a look—so what? A cleverly dressed woman doesn’t lose her looks ’til she’s 120, and then it’s a simple matter of drawing the eyebrows on at a sexier angle.)
This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Send questions to E. Jean at E.Jean@AskEJean.com.