Life & Love

Dear E. Jean: I’ve been seeing a guy nine months—dinners, movies, hanging out—but I know he’s not so crazy for me that he can’t live without me. How do I get him to actually fall in love with me? —Wanting Him Badly

Badly, honey: If you hold out hope that your feelings may be returned while not showing the slightest interest whether he lives or drops dead…

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If you put down the cell phone…

If you turn off the computer…

If you make him wonder…

If you’re honest yet hold him over the fiery pit of anticipation—well…Northwestern University psychologists Eli Finkel, PhD, and Paul Eastwick, PhD, have been trailing a bunch of speed-daters, and their studies show that anxiety combined with hope triggers the attachment system. Good luck. And remember that no matter how brilliant the technology, the essence of passionate love is uncertainty.

This letter is from the E. Jean archive.

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